So…it’s the 15th of July, and my summer has not been even remotely what I thought it would. What it HAS been is a series of lessons in adjusting my thinking and my response time. Timing is everything, you know…
First, I had planned on taking the summer off from school (1st break in 3 years) and starting to write my book. Then I found out that the 4 classes I needed in order to graduate in December were all being offered on the same days in the same 3 time slots, which meant that if I took the summer off, I’d have to go one semester longer for a single class. Uh, no thanks. So I signed up for 2 classes this summer – one of which meets at 8 in the morning on SATURDAY, 50 miles from my house. Yay!
Second, God began to challenge me to rethink everything I ever thought I knew, which I’ve identified as the running theme to my summer. Through a series of very cool events which I’ll probably document in another blog entry at some point, He showed up in my house in a major way and basically left the door open. I’m not kidding – people walk into my living room and get overwhelmed by the presence of God. I’m – we’re – learning how to steward that well, and it’s the reason for all my “best-laid plans” going wonky.
Third, the plans I had to keep my son occupied fell through. The thought here was to give him something to do for a few hours while I wrote my book…and then while I did my summer schoolwork, too…negatory, Ghostrider. Instead of him participating in a summer homeschool program my friend started, he’s been home with me all this time. I was pretty concerned about this arrangement at the beginning (gonna be reeeeeally transparent here) for several reasons. One, I am definitely not the stay-at-home mom type. I realize many women are, and God bless ’em, but the idea of coming up with fun little activities we could do together (sock puppets! dance party! locking myself in the closet!) sets my teeth on edge. Two, my son and I are so, so much alike that I thought we’d drive each other up the walnuts, as he says. Three, my tolerance for Star Wars is exactly 1/276,0000th of my child’s enthusiasm for it. But what God told me changed my perspective a good deal (well, that, and mandating “No Star Wars Days” from time to time). He told me that the summer was all about training up my child in the way HE should go – because M and I share very similar giftings, the Lord wanted him to spend a lot of time with me, just watching me live day to day interacting with people and with Him. And curiously, our being so alike has actually been beneficial. It turns out my kid wants his alone time just as much as I want mine, and he understands completely when I need to disengage for a few minutes. He also still likes to take naps or lie quietly reading or drawing for hours at a time, so I’ve not felt tons of pressure to come up with things to do. We’ve grown closer, and we’ve discussed topics ranging from the Dark Ages vs the Renaissance to Democrats and Republicans to why different denominations believe different things about the same God. All topics brought up by the 7 year-old, I might add. It’s kept me on my toes.
Fourth, we were given a word that now was the time to make some decisions. Well, let me tell you, I’ve had a whole list of topics that I knew were going to need some attention, but I didn’t know immediacy, priority, etc. And of all the ones to start with, I’d have never picked the one that God did…but isn’t that usually the case? So the latest is that we’ve been feeling like M wouldn’t continue at the private school he’s gone to for the last 2 years for much longer. We did think he’d go at least one more year. Today confirmed otherwise. We – J, M and I all – have clear direction that he is going to the public elementary school in our neighborhood for 2nd grade. And I have this strong sense (which has been confirmed by a trusted friend) that all the other decisions will fall into place, contingent on this one. My friend said she saw the Lord placing a bunch of dominoes very precisely, and when He was through, I got to flick the first one down, which set off the chain reaction perfectly. I don’t think He could have gotten much clearer. 🙂
Fifth, one of the very biggest things that has happened this summer came from out of the blue. I started having all these people speak words of creativity over me, again and again and again. These were people who know me as very logical, precise, and organized. What none of them know is that early in my life, I painted and drew and wrote constantly and never went anywhere without my beloved Canon A1. But some years ago, I set all that down. Life required too much logic and precision just to get by, and I guess I got used to moving within those parameters. The creativity got stuffed in a dark closet somewhere. But then a couple of weeks ago I began to feel that there’s a series of paintings the Lord wants me to do…and I kind of freaked out. I really don’t move in a lot of fear or intimidation as a rule in my daily life, but in this area, I was definitely not my normal, confident self. All I could think was, “What if it’s no good? What if I can’t get it out of my head and onto the canvas? What if I’m fooling myself and I really suck at this stuff?” Ad nauseam. And that in itself was completely annoying because I KNOW better than that, but I was still thinking that way and couldn’t seem to help it. So I made myself accountable to an intercessor group I’m part of…and the next thing I knew, they were all tossing money at me to sow into this series of paintings and my giftings. The gesture blew me away, and I figured that the 30 or 40 dollars would buy a couple of canvases and maybe a few brushes. Except that the 30 or 40 dollars ended up being $235.26, and I was promised a French easel as well. HOLY TOLEDO COW MOLEY FRIJOLE! I joked that I guessed God was serious about this, and then I went shopping! And do you know that all of what I bought cost 47 cents less than what was given to me – and I got every single thing I need to get started???
So now I’m at a place where I’m just watching to see where the dominoes fall. We’ve got one decision crossed off the list, and I have no idea which one will be addressed next, but I know it’ll be ordered of the Lord. I’m good with that! And I’m not making ANY more plans this summer (did I mention I was hoping to travel before school started back up? Sigh…). So if you happen to call to see if I want to go do something, you might have to be happy with a “maybe” for your answer. 🙂
How’s your summer going?