The world has changed a lot over the past few weeks. I’ve been reading posts, blogs, and stories from people who, after moving through the various stages of grief, are discovering the benefits of their slowed-down lives. TP shortage notwithstanding, it seems that with so many of our daily distractions shut off, people are finding that they actually enjoy each other’s company, 6 feet apart, of course. Families are becoming a little more nuclear again by dint of the fact that they’re all stuck in the same house together. Parents are realizing exactly how much our society has relied on teachers to mold our children – those same teachers we’ve mocked for having “easy” jobs with summers off (newsflash: they don’t). I saw one post that said it “felt like the 1980s again” in the poster’s neighborhood – people were outside taking walks, riding bikes, hollering to the neighbors across the street from the front porch. I’m guessing there was no lemonade stand on the corner, nor a Slip-n-Slide party going on, but I understand what she meant.
Up here in Alaska, I can’t say my life has been all that impacted in these ways. Alaskans have an amazing ability to be incredibly neighborly and leave you the heck alone, all at the same time – and with less than 1 person per square mile, social distancing is practically a way of life, anyway. In fact, until Saturday morning, when the governor issued a couple of pretty restrictive mandates, I was still going into the office every day. Starting tomorrow (today is Seward Day, a state holiday), I’ll be working from my spare room/library (finally unpacked my books after 4 years, once J moved out and I had a space for them!) while my kiddo does school at the kitchen table. I really don’t mind, and M has two years of homeschooling under his belt, so he’s doing fine managing his education. The stores are well-stocked, and spring thaw/breakup is in its beginning stages. There’s not much to complain about.
(And I guess this isn’t really a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but it’s frustrating for me and feels like it’s never going to be over.)
…I got an email a few days ago saying that my final divorce hearing, which was scheduled for 6 April, was canceled – to be rescheduled at an unspecified later date – because it was deemed a non-emergency issue. I understand; the courts are considered “essential” but are still under the same restrictions as the rest of us – but maaaaaaan.
M and I have been diligently working through all the yuck that comes with our lives being upended, and if anything, isolation has given us extra time for really fruitful discussions, prayer, etc. We’re both in a good place and ready to move forward, whatever that looks like. I told a friend the other day that my entire future seems to be up for rewrites, so I really have no idea what it will entail, but in my imagination, it didn’t entail waiting interminably for a piece of paper that declares what I’ve known since 1 Jan – and really since about 5 years prior.
I am so ready for everything to be tied up with a neat little bow. The last 15 years already feel like a lifetime ago, or like I’m looking at someone else’s life when I think back on them. Being forced to have this ongoing connection to something so distant and broken and over is just wrong and rather rude! I didn’t ask for this divorce, and I didn’t want it, but neither do I want to be tied to what is done and dead. The Lord has promised me that over the next few years, I would find me again, and I can’t even begin to tell you how appealing that sounds to me. It’s time to be 100% free of this mess that “helped” me to lose myself in the first place.
Okay, whining over. All in all, M and I are doing well. I mean, we’re introverts! Like the meme says, we’ve been training for this all our lives! 😀 I pray you’re good, too, wherever you are and whatever your situation. Stay healthy – this coronavirus thing WILL come to an end – and reach out if I can help you with anything. And maybe agree with me that, like coronavirus, this divorce process HAS to end, too.