I’ve tried to write this post 15 times now and failed. It isn’t that I don’t want to write it, but that there’s SO much to say, and I don’t know where to start. Do I work backwards? Start from the beginning? “Will” the words onto the page through no effort of my own? (I like that last option.) Help!
Sigh. Okay, here’s the deal: My house is finished, but I’m not moving into it. In fact, I’m not even staying in Alaska…
Back when Roe v. Wade was overturned and the power to decide the matter returned to the states, the Lord started whispering to me that I might be leaving the Last Frontier. I don’t want to make this a political or contentious post, but neither am I going to lie about or downplay my faith. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you know that I live absolutely by what I hear the Lord say and how he leads me. And what he said was that it would depend on what Alaska chose to do with its newly-bequeathed authority. Would it choose life, or would it choose death? I didn’t hold out a lot of hope because Alaska has always been verrry liberal regarding abortion, but life went on and I didn’t think much more about it. And then came ranked choice voting, which would take too long to explain here, but it’s rigged and corrupt and does away with the “one person, one vote” concept.
I’ve often said that Alaska is the Australia of the US. People who come up here to stay are often leaving a past behind, and they want to be left alone. There’s a real “live and let live” approach to things, which is good until you’re dealing with issues of morality and ethics. Good people stay quiet, and as Richard Edelman said, to be silent is to be complicit.
So my question to the Lord was, do I plant my feet and fight against these wrongs? Is this my next battlefield? He didn’t say much for a good while. But then in December, I started sensing a change. All of a sudden, I had absolutely no love for this place I’ve called home since 2014. I wanted out. I wanted sunshine and beaches and life. I wanted Texas. I was completely unprepared for this sudden shift in myself, but there it was. And then a dear friend confirmed everything with my never having said a word about what was going on. And the confirmations kept coming.
“But, Lord, what about the house I’ve been building?” I asked. And I’ll never forget it – he said, “You don’t understand the substance of my love, but I want you to.” Soon after that, I was painting baseboards, and he whispered, “This is the substance of my love – for someone else.” He showed me that building this house, from praying over the land and writing Scriptures on the studs, to installing insulation, choosing my fixtures with such care, and everything else in-between, was partnering with him to bring the physical manifestation of the answer to someone’s prayer. I understood then that M and I had built the house for someone else, and the immensity of the privilege of stewarding that person’s dream absolutely blew me away.
I didn’t say anything to anyone for several months – I’ve felt such a timing and an ordering of my steps on this process. But as I was released to, I told a few people here and there. One person said, “You’ve had your adventure, and now it’s done.” But that’s not it at all. The adventure was not moving to Alaska. The adventure was – and is – following the Lord as he leads. And now he’s leading me to Texas, and it’s time to tell you all. It’s not going backwards, but more like coming full circle and into the next chapter.
None of this was on my radar, but I’ve always held on loosely to my life. I didn’t know how long I’d be up here even when I first moved. And it has been a wonderful experience, even with my entire life crashing down around my feet a few years ago – that’s definitely not Alaska’s fault. There are so, so many things I love about this place, and I will always treasure my years here. I’ve met fantastic people. I’ve seen and done amazing things. Plus, I feel like I might have earned a few cool points because who actually moves to Alaska, anyway?? 😉 From a practical standpoint, M is headed off to college at Montana State University in the fall, and it will be a lot easier and cheaper for him to get home for holidays and breaks.
So there you have it. Over the next couple of months, the details will unfold as I put my feet one in front of the other. For now, I’ll be selling my house and getting my Alaska affairs in order. Thoughts and prayers are definitely appreciated as I move into this next stage of the adventure I call Life. And Texas, my sunshiny, beachy, beautiful Texas, I’ll see you soon.
pellucere 